Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
