evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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