NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
