life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
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