just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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