There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
