R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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