I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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