Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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