he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.