My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.