Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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