i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from