I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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