do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
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I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out