I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
