i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.