my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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