I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
