stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
