If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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