I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
why is half of my head shaved?
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