I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
