Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
