With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
