Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
