??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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