It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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