lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize