nut hugger
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
