i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He felt like a one man threesome
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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