Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize