i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
