can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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