I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
