i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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