You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
