Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
