Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
