she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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