if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
