The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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