My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
