Pappa wants mamma naked
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
