True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.