I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.