Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
