Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you