How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?