Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"