I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
