I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
