I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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