I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
