We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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