she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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