Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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