I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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