Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
