dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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