I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You dont lie about slip and slides
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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