cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We don't watch enough power rangers
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
