recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
