This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
