She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
