Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
