That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
