he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
