I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
